Breaking the Chain
by Pressing Point
Summary: "You kissed me, left for five entire years and didn't contact me once. Now you're back and thinking that I wouldn't have moved on with my life?" He remained silent. She slowly opened her eyes. "Well I have… Naruto…we all have…"


_Dear Diary,_

_I think I'm really going to miss this place… it was fun while it lasted but I guess all good things must come to an end as they all say._

_Summer's almost over and my beginning as a K.U freshman is nearly here. I can't wait to see everyone again. We all split ways after graduation day, each of my friends travelling to different parts of the world to discover what he or she wanted to be in life. It had to be something about throwing our caps in the air that made us realize our high school lives were over. All the dramas and laughs we shared were but a thing of the past, something that's never going to be relevant to us again. It made us realize that we're not just hormone-driven teenagers… We're adults now. 18 may be young, but it also means responsibility. I think we're finally beginning to understand that._

_But… I don't want to understand that. I just want to feel like a kid again. I want to be carefree and energetic, hidden from the reality of the world… innocent. I want to be innocent again. It's too bad that that desire will forever be a wish. I've seen too much, felt too much to be that innocent girl I once was. I've grown up._

_Things are different now. I no longer see everything in bright neon colors nor do I skim the surface of the text; I see the truth in black and white and read between the lines. I don't have hours upon hours of free time to goof off anymore. I have to focus and understand that this is my future here, my life, what'll make me or break me. But even now I'll admit I still don't have the answers to all of my questions._

_What do I want to be in life? What do I want to do after school? Am I truly happy with the way my life is? What improvements do I need to make?_

_Right now, all I can do is wait for the answers to come to me, I guess. "It's no use burdening yourself with those questions, darling. When the time comes, I'm sure you'll figure it out. You're a smart girl. For now, just enjoy yourself! The ranch is big, the fields are clear, the day's still young, there's so much to do!" Considering I remembered all that, I'm sure my mother's words are going to stay with me for a very long time._

_And she's right of course, as she always is. I'm going to miss her too. I always do. Spending summers with her out in the isolated country is never enough. Three months is way too short. I'll also have to say goodbye to Tomoe once again which is always hard since I love her more than anything. I wish I could bring her back to Konoha with me but she's as stubborn as the hoof on her foot. She refuses to leave Tennessee and unfortunately gets seasick. Even if she came with me, I could never take proper care of her. I'm sure they don't have horse cabins at the university._

_Ah, university. I can't say I'm totally prepared for it. I have my pencils, my books, pens, tape recorder, all my personal belongings for my single dorm (yessss! A room to myself!) and well… almost everything, really! I just don't know how everything's going to go down when I see my friends once again._

_Sure we've all grown but there are some issues… we haven't resolved yet. Although we love each other, there's still jealousy, mistrust, rivalry… and all of these problems are caused by our relationships. Instead of letting love bring us closer together, we let it rip us further and further apart… so far that half of our senior year was spent with segregation, grudges and awkward conversations._

_I can hope for everyone to put the past behind them but I know they won't and never will. Even I can't put the past behind me… Every moment I spend with Sasuke is like floating on air but every month or so… I… I have my doubts and question myself… am I being truthful? Do I deserve him?...I have so many skeletons in my closet... Is it wrong for me to ignore my past and keep him as my future? Maybe I have all this guilt because things are going a little too fast… We've spent the entire summer together, he's met mother and she really likes him (she even said he might be "the one")… And then there was Sakura… I completely forgot about her feelings when he confessed to me… When I remembered and went to apologize, she was beaming and telling me it's ok, that she and Sasuke were probably never meant to be, that it was all just a silly crush, and that she'd get over it. I would have believed her façade if she didn't include the "silly crush". Sakura has been madly in love with Sasuke since… forever. I knew she was lying, but I went along with it for the sake of keeping our friendship at least teetering on a sharp rock. She hates me. I just know it. But it's best to pretend she doesn't care, it's best to pretend that I'm not hurting my dear friend, it's best to pretend that my acceptance of Sasuke didn't cause a disruption in the lives of all my friends, it's best to pretend that I have no guilt or doubt. Because pretending hurts less than believing._

_It always has, and always will._

_Ah, Sasuke's calling me. I can tell he's smiling by the way he calls my name. I'm smiling right now too. The absent-minded sweet things he does always make me gush. He says we'll be ready to leave in 10 more minutes. I guess I'll end my entry here. I need to say goodbye to everything, call my dad and sister, make sure I throw away all of mom's junk food stashes (she's been pigging out on them ever since the divorce. Lucky her metabolism isn't slowing down or she'd be bloating)… Yeah… I'll write again later though… maybe when I'm on the plane and everyone's asleep… Bye for now._

_~H.H_


End file.
